I can be a pessimist #1

Welcome to the "I can be a pessimist" series.
In this series, I will take our class topics and rip them apart.




I hate buzzwords.

I think there is never a single solution to a problem.

As a technical person, stop telling me what you want and tell me what your problem is.

I think there are people much smarter than any of us in this college that should be making our systems decisions, with the aid of some MBA, not the other way around.

I think the XMLs is irrelevant (and a buzzword).

I think white boxes are accidental, and black boxes are deliberate.

I think that each of us are blinded by our own experiences and domains, and it is the responsibility of us as colleagues to call you out when you are making an assumption on a generalization that is only true for your domain.

I think message queues can rock.

I think message queues can suck.

I think proprietary stuff sucks.

When you use a buzzword, and don't know you are using a buzzword, there is a problem.

When you use a buzzword in a sentence, and you:

1. use the incorrect plural form
2. put "the" in front of it when it shouldn't
3. turn the noun buzzword into a verb or vice versa
4. use another buzzword to define it
   
5. use multiple other buzzwords in the sentence
6. use the same buzzword multiple times in the sentence
7. are blogging your web2.0 rss feed on an ajaxed cloud computing mashup with e-commerce platform
   

there is a problem.

When you are the master of buzzwords, you begin to intentionally inappropriately put "the" in front of them funnily, and pluralize them funnily, and can turn the nouns into a past tense verbs, funnily.



Stay tuned for issue #2, where I tear apart how you are doing your database wrong. If you are lucky, I will also touch misconceptions on why your distributed system doesn't matter.

-Your extravagant criticizer
Phillip Campbell
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